Dating with privileges

08 Nov

The writer begins by examining two other words which, according to her, are similar, but subtly different in construction: “asshole”, and “jerk”.(In case it is not clear, what follows is not Clarisse’s own views on the matter, nor is it clear whether they are held by her correspondent. The women “resents” the man’s failure to meet her exacting standards in a test that she herself is never expected to perform.The wonderful Clarisse Thorn has posted another excellent analysis of the construction of the male “creep”, this time sent to her by an unnamed correspondent.Unfortunately it’s buried in a comment on her blog, and so is unlikely to get as much attention as it deserves.

Staff members, police officers, or anyone else who checks your identification or drivers license won’t question you, insult you, or glare at you because your name or sex does not match the name you go by or the gender you present as.Such companies offer a wide variety of unmoderated matchmaking services, most of which are profile-based.Online dating services allow users to become "members" by creating a profile and uploading personal information including (but not limited to) age, gender, sexual orientation, location, and appearance.A while back my good friend and wing woman Sarah Ann posted an article about the Victoria’s Secret model Cameron Russell and TED talk about how being white and beautiful gave her a privileged and entitled lifestyle.In the following days, I witnessed a good deal of discussion on Facebook surrounding this article.This takes privilege to a whole new level of female entitlement.It’s not that the woman doesn’t want anyone to approach her. She just doesn’t want to deal with the consequence of her high value in the sexual market-place, namely that she has to reject unsuitable prospects. And if to meet that demand, less desirable men have to foreclose any possibility of achieving dating/sexual success of their own, she feels entitled to that too.The media depicts people of cis identity in films and television, all day - everyday.Cis identity isn’t only used as the concentration of a dramatic, exploitative, storyline or the punch line for a joke, the way that trans stories and bodies often are.Rather, what is being described here are prevailing attitudes, in the view of the writer.) What is an asshole, in the way a woman might say it about a man? That his performance might have been affected by the fact that he was shitting bricks throughout the approach probably never occurs to her. It’s like, the creep should know that he doesn’t deserve to presume interest. Like my adolescent sense of misfit, he should know that he didn’t deserve any better than to take any comer. Because the man isn’t going to think he doesn’t deserve to make the approach, of course.Perhaps a man who is otherwise popular-enough, well-liked-enough, attractive-enough, socially-competent-enough, who presumes interest. A man who is popular-enough, well-liked-enough, attractive-enough, socially-competent-enough, who presumes interest about a woman who in fact may be interested. And I think this is why men are so insulted when they think they are making an appropriate approach to a woman, and get called a creep.