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05 Feb

Tonight, either Jessica Sanchez or Phillip Phillips will be crowned the winner during a mega two-hour broadcast. They're all there, including my main man Joshua Ledet. I'm also too lazy to list the rest of 'em, but I'm sure you remember who they are.

While Digital Spy readers have backed Sanchez for the victory following last night's final performances, it's anyone's guess as to who will take the title. It's Phillip Phillips and Credence Clearwater Revival's 'John Fogerty - they're singing 'Have You Ever Seen the Rain', and hey, there's Carrie Underwood bopping her head. And I still love her new single, 'Blown Away', just for the record. J-Lo looks AMAZING in this sparkly mini-dress and even Ryan Seacrest looks dapper in his little tux. There now seems to be a group of black-clad dancers... Hollie Cavanagh, Colton Dixon, Mr Curly Sue (De Andre Brackensick), SKYLAR LAINE, etc.

To waste more time, Jimmy Iovine has apparently made a "love letter" in video form - basically he can't get Jennifer's name right in the VTs when talking about the contestants earlier in the season. No wonder - she's a screamer rather than a singer, as well. They're both literally just shouting at the top of their lungs the entire time. If Van Gogh lived today, I'd understand why he cut off his ear.

It's also time to crown a winner during a two-hour broadcast that could've been done in a 30 minute one, but who's counting?

Sometimes, though, it's just been murderously bad singing.

Complete Coverage: "American Idol" Last night's show offered both.

First, the impeccable Ryan Seacrest explained - without mentioning Jermaine Jones' name - that one contestant had been disqualified after the show had collaborated with police to discover a murky rapsheet. Straight after the surgery, here he was successfully offering his rugged innards to "Hard to Handle", an Otis Redding song borrowed at one time by the Black Crowes. "It's in every cell of your body, not to get too medical," said Jennifer Lopez.

Jones allegedly has four arrest warrants outstanding. Wait, didn't she star in "The Cell" - not to get too medical about a movie that had its own pained existence?

Phillip Phillips Song: "Hard to Handle" by The Black Crowes (1989) In a retrospective of the contestant with the most repetitive name ever to hit the "Idol" stage, we learn that Phillip was a premature baby who almost didn't make it.

Note: Our regular "American Idol" recapper Laura Prudom was unable to watch on Mar. She will be back tomorrow to bring you her expert "Idol"-pertise.

In the meanwhile, please excuse my lack of musical knowledge and let's just mock Steven Tyler's hat, shall we?

[long pause] is 'American Idol,'" I remember why I haven't been able to stomach this show for quite sometime.

Seacrest doesn't hesitate to bring up the Jermaine Jones drama, though I have a sneaking suspicion we won't actually find out what went down until the last two minutes of these next two hours.